Uncomfortable, Comfort Zones

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone".

A few months ago I found myself in a most uncomfortable, comfort zone. I looked around at my life and realized that I had completed the "I will be happy when I______" LIST. You all know the one. It looked somthing like this:

1.) I will be happy when I finish all my education.
2.) I will be happy when I get married to a man who is funny, cute, has not been in prison, has a job and is an Auburn fan (4 out of 5 is not too bad)
3.) I will be happy when I have a baby
4.) I will be happy when I can go to Target without the fear of bouncing a check
5.) I will be happy when I have a garage (all successful, grown-ups have garages)
6.) I will be happy when I can raise bulldogs (I own two, raising them is now off the list after doing more research...gross! Google it.)
6.) I will be happy when I get to teach/encourage people (some would say "sandpaper" people) for a living regarding their health

As I sat there looking into the eyes of my sweet baby daughter, I remember thinking...oh-no, this is my last item on the "I will be happy when ___" list. What now?!? Please hear me out. This is the transparency that I was talking about in the earlier blog. What do you do when you have accomplished everything you "thought" would bring you happiness? To my shock and surprise, I was still not happy. So I did what any red- blood American woman would do...I had a small nervous breakthrough. My friends and I do not call these breakdowns. We call them breakthroughs. It only lasted a few hours. I cried and ranted and then cried some more. I think my husband offered me a wet rag or something. Men don't really know what to do during these situations. They treat these situations like hostage negotiations...better to be handled by phone from another part of the house. Anyway, it was over very soon and that was that.

Now, as we all know, part of this was whacked out hormones and another part was a little "holy cow, what do I do with a baby?!?" The largest part was God telling me "sweetheart, when are you going to understand that NO ONE and NOTHING is ever going to fill up the place inside of you that I created for ME? As much as I loved my little Charlee, it was still not enough to fill up the God-shaped hole that had been placed in me by a loving Father ensuring that I would always search for Him, never settling for anything other than Him. This is where we get into sooooo much trouble. God puts within us this craving that only He can fill. Erwin McManus calls it a "soul craving". It keeps us yearning for Him. We are unable to be satisfied by anything less. Although, we always give it the old college try! Whether it be with alcohol, achievements, relationships, drugs, food, you name it...and it is never enough. Whether you call it a soul craving, a holy unrest or a uncomfortable, comfort zone...it keeps us yearning for the one who has actually been pursuing us all along.

I am still not absolutely positive regarding the whats and hows of what God is doing in my life in the long term. It might be writing a Bible study, a book, or maybe just to continue to write this blog and raise my little angel ...who knows?! The difference is that God is teaching me to enjoy the process. He is teaching me to abide with Him in THIS moment. Don't get me wrong...we are most certainly moving, at a very rapid pace as a matter of fact. I feel as though He is not letting me in on too much of the "big picture" right now. Probably because I have a tendency to say "ok, thanks God, I think I can take it from here". Most often times He finds it necessary to keep me in the dark until we get to our next stop. For this particular leg of our journey together He has been kind in giving me a beautiful vision to hang on to while I am waiting "patiently" (if you know me, that is laughable). He gave it to me one morning as I was watching my daughter crawl to my huband and hang onto his leg one day before work. She was crawling at warp speed to get to him. He scooped her up and danced around the room as he always does. She giggled with delight (as she always does). She had no idea where he was going nor did she care. He is Daddy, she trusts him and she wants to go! As I was watching this scene play out God gave me an image of how He and I are to do "our dance". I am to climb up on His strong Daddy feet, look up into His sweet, loving eyes and just hold on. I have no idea where we are going and I really don't care. I am to keep looking up at His face and trust him. As I hear the music start to play, I don't have to know the steps. He knows all the steps and quite frankly, is a most excellent dancer. He even makes the dance loads of fun. He created me and knows that I love to twirl, dip, laugh and giggle. He knows that I like music with a little more "flavor", never have been a fan of Lawrence Welk. The dance will most certainly be a rollercoaster ride but there's no need to worry. I am safely in my Daddy's arms. After all, this is all that I have to know for sure, "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" (1 Cor 2:9) I may not know the next step or the next stop...but I do know it is gonna be gooooood!

Dance on,
Heather